It takes love more then meds.

I have successfully completed my third night shift at my new job at Waterman Hospital. It was been exiting, tiring, inspiring and disheartening.
The exiting part is I know God had made a place for me at this time and this place. It was tiring because I had to rearrange my sleep schedule to accommodate the night shift and each shift was 12 hours.
I was inspired to see the human spirit fight back after it was been so beaten done with sickness.
But most of all I was disheartened. I was disheartened by the fact that our medical system has so drastically failed the weakest members of our society. I knew that our medical system has lost sight of what is truly important. But nothing could prepare for what I have seen in the hospital. I am well aware that we have come so wonderfully far with medical treatments, medications and such. But with that advance in science we have missed such an important part of healthcare…the humanistic part. You might argue with me and say we have the number one health care system in the world. Which I might partially agree with. But the most important side of what use to make our system great was the people who served. Nurses and techs. were the people who CARED for our ill and dieing. They would assist or take over all the basic needs. They were also there to assist the doctor when he needed assistance and be there eyes and ears when they weren’t there.
Now nurses have had to passed their job to the techs. and now theiy have to be what I consider a fill in doctor, drug pusher and chart writer. To me this is sad because most nurse have gone into there field not for the money but for the passion of taking “care “ of people in their neediest times. I think our medical system has become so hungry for money and so blind of the truth we are loosing our way. We are all human, we have needs, wants and desires, we also need to be taught what it means to be truly healthy. Because when we don’t get thoughts basic need meet our body and soul die.

Let me tell you a short version of what happened to me two shift ago.
It was 2 am when the orders came in that a women in her late 70’s was going to be transferred to our unit from the emergency room. Her tentative diagnosis was chest pain (angina), anxiety, and failure to thrive. It also added that she needed a physiological evaluation because of her anxiety, OCD and possible schizophrenia. When I was given the orders from the nurse all he could do is sigh and say “great another crazy, lets get the meds. ready.” When she arrived in our unit I went to her room to perform my duties. ( vitals, a questioner, made her failure with her room, policies ext. ) When I began to leave she yelled out “please don’t leave me.” So I turned around and went back into her room. When I went in the room I stood next to her bed and I looked into her eye and smiled. I asked her if she was scared. She answered back “yes“, I then asked her, “why “.
She told me a short story about what she was afraid of. Knowing now what was making her afraid I was able to meet her needs better and show her compasion. After being with her for about 15 min, it was time for me to make my rounds again so I told her I would be back soon to check on her. When I was away my soul was screaming to go back to her and sit with her. So after my rounds I went in and sat with her. When sitting with her I saw that the charge nurse had left a bible on her lap by the patients request. So, I held her hand and stared into her eye as I felt the Lord leading me. I said, ******, I want you to know no matter what is happening and what will happen God is always there for you. She nodded and agreed and stated to cry. She finally was able to get a few words out…” child you are so beautiful.” As I thanked her I took my hand and touch her face and said, “the Lord wants you to know that in troubled time you need to call to him and he will rescue you.” She continued to cry when the nurse barged in to talk to her about her meds. She immediately become anxious and scared again. She looked at me with eyes of desperation. As the nurse started to talk he noticed that we having a moment and he could use that to get what he need done. So he asked me to help him push ***** to take these sleeping pills and anxiety meds. So with the order I proceeded to gently persuade her to take the meds. (which I thought was silly and wrong ) So she ends up taking the meds.. After taking the meds .she told me she needed to go to the restroom. So I suggested a bed pan since she was dizzy from the meds. She tried but was to embarrassed and to uncomfortable. I then notified the nurse and he told me then we needed to put in a catheter. I told him that I thought that I could get her up safely to use the restroom. With the ultimatum of 15 min or he was going to get a catheter, I rushed to her room. I worked with her as lovingly as possible to get her to the restroom. and as a team she made it there and back. When I got her in her bed ahe thanked me and apologized for being so disgusting. At that moment I realized not only was I a blessing for her but she was to me as well. She made me realize that in our old age we as techs. and nurses more then ever have to try to preserve the dignity they had in their former years. So after settling down I followed the leading of the Lord to pray with her and put into her chart that a pastor need to see her. The story continued on like this till 7am. When I said good bye to her and gave my report to the next shift. Sadly she got another round of straight faced nurses and techs. But my prayer is that she would be treated well .

My whole point of telling this story is to show how decayed our society has become. In most circumstances an old women would have been immediately drugged so the staff wouldn’t have to deal with her, “ to shut her up” then they would have left her alone. But instead by the grace of GOD I was able to be his hands and feet to care for this elderly women and speak the truth of His word into her life. I knew that she had a physiological issue but I also knew our God is bigger then any disease and I know that a little time of sincere caring from another person could make a huge difference.
The hospital needs to prioritize the budget and hire more caring people for all the patients that are alone and in difficult situations.

Passion vrs. Sleep

Sorry I have been away so long, so much has happened in such a small amount of time. To start off with 2 months ago I was urged by a friend of my father to challenge the CNA state exam so I could get a job at the hospital. So I hesitantly listened. I gave up every reservation about how stupid I was and how I never could imagine I could be successful and serve others at the same time. So I took the challenge with my best girl friend and we both past with flying colors. I do have to say a few nights before the test I had worked my self into such a frenzy that I literally made myself sick.
After I passed the exam I started to apply for jobs everywhere. But there was one job I really wanted. The instant I clarified that in my mind I remember vividly. I was taking the boys to see where Mommy went to school. In our travels we had to pass the Florida Waterman Hospital. When we approached the hospital I outstretched my right arm and told the boy to pray right now that Mommy would have favor to get a job there because that is where I wanted to be. As I said that Tyler told me “don’t worry Mommy you already have a job there“. Little did I know the Lord heard my desire and the faith of my son. I did receive a job offer one week later. I interview with two woman. The first ladies name was Sue. When I walked into her office she was very inquisitive about my profession as a Doula. She said she was very interested because she really had no idea what that was until a month ago when her son and daughter in law used a Doula for the birth of her 1st grand baby. So with that said she was very please with my work. (thank you Lord for that!) The next interviewer was a women named Sherry. Sherry is the RN manager for my department. I felt as though the interview went pretty well except my horrible mistake with the questions she asked me about vital signs. (I did correct my answer though.) Two days later I got a call from Sherry saying she was so impressed she spoke to the head of labor and delivery and Sherry suggested she make a job in OB. After much prayer I came to peace that I should be with Sherry in the position I interviewed for. And low and behold I did stay at that position. It is amazing to me that I was offered a postion at the hospital that my son Tyler declared as the hospital that I was going to work at for a job that in all relality I was not qualified for. ( except by the Lords favor) The position that I was hired for was for night shift, flex floater on 2 and 3 south overflow unit.
With all the joy reality started to kick in with a long week of orientation. My poor boys where shocked to say the least that mommy wasn’t there for most of the week. The boys ended up going to extended care at there school and my mother picked the kids up and watched them till I got out around 4:30 pm. During that time Austin started peeing and popping in his pants, and having screaming fits. My poor baby was missing me terribly. So after the orientation drama Ryan and I made special time with the boys. I even let the little boys stay home on Monday to just spend time with me.
Well with all that history caught up with I am now facing my biggest giant yet. WORK
I start tomorrow night. I have to be there at Wednesday 6:45 pm.
I am frighten and intimidated. I have 3 nights in a row and one day that I won’t be able to sleep but maybe 1hr. 30 min striate.

My schedule will look like this:
Tue. 18th of May 2010
Stay up till 4 am so my body starts to get adjusted
Total Sleep time: 3 hours

Wed. 19th of May 2010
Wake up at 7 am get kids ready for school
Finish dropping kids off at school at 8:30 am
8:45 -10:45am Sleep
11:15-11:30 feed kids
11:40- 1:30 take nap with boys
1:40 Pick up Tyler
2:00-4:00 Spend with boys
4:10-5:30 Fix dinner and eat with family
5:30 -6:00 get ready for work
6:15 leave for work
6:45 Shift begins
Total sleeping time: 3.5 hrs.

Thru. 20th of May 2010
7:15 shift ends
7:30 get ready for bed (shower breakfast)
8:00-2:00 sleep
2:30 pick up little boys
2:50 Pick up Tyler
3:00 take it easy with boys
4:30-5:30 fix dinner/eat with family
6:15 leave for work
6:45 shift begins
Total sleep time: 6 hrs.

Fri. 21st of May 2010
7:15 shift ends
7:30 Ryan drops off kids at hospital, take kids to school
8:20 get home wash up eat breakfast
8:30-9:15 sleep
9:30watch program at school
10:30 take kids home, eat lunch
11:00-2:30 nap
3:00 pick Tyler up
3:20- 5:00 rest/ play with kids
6:00 drop kids off at Shellie’s house
6:15 go to work
6:45 Shift begins
Total sleep time: 4 hrs.

Sat. 22nd of may 2010
7:15 shift ends
7:30 pick up kids
8:00 fix breakfast
8:45 Ryan comes home
9:00-3:00 go to sleep
3:00-11:00 (enjoy) family time
Total sleep time: 6 hrs.

Ok I’m really afraid how my body is going to act with this crazy schedule. This is not a normal schedule. The week after that I work M, W, SUN. What do I do? How do I survive? Please pray for me!!

Our lives wouldn't be complet ...

Tonight 8 years ago on mothers day at 6:12 pm our baby boy Tyler Paul Carroll came into this world.  Tyler you have made mommy and daddy's life complet.  WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Some Where Out There

So many years ago God woke me up with a name. All I heard was Elizabeth Grace. When I woke I knew that I needed to know the meaning for what God was whispering to me in my dreams. So I immediately got out of bed and turned on my computer to look it up. As I looked up the name that was whispered to me by God I gasped. Elizabeth is of Hebrew origin, and its meaning is "God's promise; God is my oath". And Grace is of Latin origin, and its meaning is "favor; blessing". A virtue name referring to God's grace. After gasping with unbelief I felt the instruction by the Holy Spirit to write it on my wall under a picture of a little girls picture I have had since the first moment of God instruction to adopt at age 14.

So after all these years I still pray and talk to my daughter like she is already in existence. You might ask why so here is the reason. If God gave me a passion at such a young age and visions of what she looks like and even a name to call her. There must be a little girl that doesn’t have a mommy or daddy and needs a family to love her. God knew us and matched us up with the family we have before the beginning of time so he has a plan for Elizabeth Grace. So till then baby girl Mommy has faith that we will be together one day.

This song is dedicated to the daughter God promised me so many years ago.

Elizabeth Grace,
Mommy loves you and I pray that you are safe and that you feel Mommy's love where ever you are.

Somewhere Out There
written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Expectations from the Past

When a woman goes into labor, she brings her past with her: the sorties she has heard about birth, any experiences of her own or other's childbirth, and her own early chilhood events. She also brings her hopes and fears with her: about pain, about her ability to give birth, as well as about the health and saftey of herself and her baby. 

Pregnant women have varied expectations of pain, based on what they have heard or experiences.  One thirty-eight-year-old mother, expecting her first baby, said that her own mother described childbirth as one of the hardest experances of her life. Another first-time mother-to-be became fightened watching a television special on birth in which eeryone was screaming and was finally silenced with medication and high-tech interventions.  A third mother rememebered that her 1st birth, she was given pitocin to speed up her labor and found that she could never get on top of the contractions. She remembered begging for the epidural and for this current birth was planning to have one as soon as she started labor.  However, when she began experancing this labor with a doula, she had a very different outcome than she imagined. " I became so focused and in tune with the doulas vioce  hardly noticed the pain.  We were walking; she always had her hand on me. During every contraction , she showed me how to lean into my husband. He held me as he braced himself against the wall. I could let my whole body relax. She guided me to breathe through the contractions. She counted backward 20-to-1, slowly, three times, encouraging me to just breath through  it.  By then, I could feel the contraction ease. I could value the power of my body and my baby working together. This was so different from the first birth. We continued this way in a kind of rhythm through each contraction. I depened on her every word. She added an image of an ocean wave rolling through the contractions. I was amazed at how powerful I felt and yet safe and relaxed. I wasn't afraid and I noticed no pain."

Though a duola cannot solve issues in the mother's past or erase the messages th ewoman gas heard, with  the future stll known, she can begin her work being fully present with the woman to clam her fears, to validate her strength. to reassure her that she won't be alone, and to work with her on measures to alleviate pain.

The Birth of Austin Carroll

The Birth of Austin Carroll

8 pounds 9 ounces

21 3/4 inches

at

1:21 am
Unassisted home birth

07/19/2006

This journey stared our like so many. Couple finds out they are pregnant they find a doctor/midwife they feel comfortable with and they continue their journey. Our journey was like this until I was 17 weeks pregnant. I was admitted for pre term labor due to getting the rodo viruses. Between 17 and 29 weeks I had different strands of that viruses 4 times. Each of these times I was admitted to the hospital. By the time 30 weeks came around my midwife told me that I was to high risk and I would have to find care else were. Unfortunately none of the ob/gyn's were excepting new patients. My only alternative was to go to the health department. That is where I found my saving grace. My midwife was knowledgeable lovingand best of all she trained under the world renowned midwife Ina May. At my last appointment she told me that she would see me tonight (but she winked at me) She knew we weren't going to show up at the hospital because of our convictions of natural labor and delivery. Ryan and I had prayed about having an  home delivery since I was opted out of care. We felt a peace that passed all understanding. This was going to be our last child (by birth) and we wanted it to be intimate and special.  Ryan knew how to deliver a baby from his experience being a fire fighter, I also was well knowlageable in the birth process...being a duola and studying the process so I could become a midwife myself. We also had a dear friend that we trusted to come up after the delivery to help us and answer any questions we had.  (winkwink,lol)

I started feeling contraction (mild) around 4 or 5 in the evening. I called the appropriate people to let them know things were starting to roll along. I fell asleep for about one hour when I was woken up to the waves getting stronger. As I let my body do what it needed to do, Ryan drew a bath, lit candles and put beautiful classical music on. I sat in the bath for over 2 hours riding the waves (contractions). As I moved into transition labor I began to doubt my strength. Ryan was amazing he talked me through it and we prayed for this baby to have a gentle entrance into the world. After a bottle of wine and a few laughs I felt the pressure that I have felt before. So I got out of the bath because we were not trained in water birth. As I sat in bed laboring my parents showed up. They were the nervous energy I was dreading from the start but the comfort I was longing for. My Dad kept on say "Melissa lets leave now, get in the car and go to the hospital." Ryan told him unless he wanted to have a baby in the driveway or in the car we were staying right here." Ryan then told my Mom to turn the video camera on. As I pushed I had so much power in my body I know this was the right choice. As my Dad said the same thing over and over again, I took a deep breath after one of my last wave and said in a calm voice " We have trusted the Lord for a great outcome and He will not fail us. He has brought us to this place and he will deliver us...literally." With that said I push Austin into this world into Ryan’s hands. (1:21 am)

As my Dad panicked, my Mom cried and Ryan did a ounce over at what he just did, I was calm and at peace holding my crying baby. Just then the door opened and my friend and her daughter came in. She helped my Dad to calm down and my Mom to cut the cord and she did the newborn exam. I told her before she weighed him he must be the smallest baby we have had because he was by far the quickest and easiest to deliver...seconds later she told methat I was wrong he was 8 pounds 9 ounces!! Wow we were all shocked!
Wrapping the birth up my friend cleaned up and monitored Austin and I, Ryan got ready for bed and my parents left. As everyone feel asleep I stayed up thanking God for his hand being on this process and admiring the handsome gift He had rewarded me with.

As I look back on that experience I would have not changed anything. Ryan and I had faith the size of a mustered seed and we moved mountains! There is no other experience in life that compares to this!!

Riding the waves at 10 pm

Ryan and I trying to slow labor down by sharing a bottle of wine.

Austin came out screaming!

Suctioning

At peace and in love!

MyMom cutting the cord.

Proud Daddy

Trying to get the cord blood.

Newborn Assestment

We did it!!

Now Tyler and Travis will see their new brother...

Proud grandparents

Up and about after 1 hour and 30 mins. What a great feeling!!

Finally time to sleep! 5am

7 am 6 hours old

On a side not the video camera was really never turned on so was only have the memories that are in our minds.

Though we might not agree...

Though we might not agree politicly I hope you see that our country is not heading in the right direction.  We have lost our way. Lets not forget that we are all in this together.  And most important our actions should show what we believe. Our father is the King and we are all his children. Stand up for what is right.
As a wise person once said "be a whistel blower!"